Every person who marries enter the marital relationship with certain expectation. These expectation come from myriad of sources including parental influence, our value system, the society, literary works consumed that redefine our taste and disposition, the counselors and notions impregnated by our unhindered reflection on daily occurrences.
It is important to take a considerable time to find out what these expectations are. Can they be achieved? Are they realistic or utopian? How do I handle them when things do not go according to plan? The word expectation carries with it the attitude of hope. Hope has been defined as “the anticipation of something good.” Hope is necessary, as it motivates us and keeps us going.
There are a lot of divorce and broken homes today because of a lot expectation which are unreasonably unrealistic. Surprisingly, this promises are often made at dating/courtship level when the combined chemistry seems to maintain highest degree of potency. Once this uncontrolled affection has forged a rather hyperbolic promises and redeeming them become impossible, instability become nearly unavoidable in the union. Hence, the many divorce cases witnessed in the society today.
Broken home is not what many of the victims bargained for, but if you do not have the capacity to manage both the internal and external forces in marriage, it would be useless to consider relationships at first. Any neglect arising from your indifference in learning the the acts of Men/Women in marriages will make you prone to the unwanted title of divorcee. Meanwhile, no sane individual will aspire to have a ruin home.
From above exposition I can recall that I mentioned internal and external forces that surround marriage. While the former is the avoidable misunderstanding/skirmishes that usually played out between husband and wife, the later accrue from husband and wife’s relatives, neighbors, friends among others. If absolute caution is not taken, the later is proven and generally agreed to be the most dangerous forces that can kill your marriage. The home which you take your time, energy, love, and affection to build for years, one miscreants, hooligan and misguided element would come and ruin it within a twinkle of an eye for their selfish interest. Therefore, it is rewarding to learn how to build our expectations within the limit of our strength, and ultimately cultivate the skills to manage various forces that threaten marriages. Marriage is indeed not a roller-coaster.
One fundamental element that can not be expelled from this discussion is fidelity/infidelity as they often featured in our expectations from our partners respectively. The question of infidelity has witnessed hot debates, and received reprimand by many religious faiths practiced in our clime, yet, it has surfaced as one of the leading factors luring divorce among couples.
Fidelity, however, involves and not limited to sexual faithfulness, but other areas of human endeavor. For example, some spouse are unfaithful to their partner through their job. The core attention which originally belong to their spouse is given to their job, resulting in denial. Some spouse showcase their unfaithfulness to their partners cleverly, through their mothers, fishing trips, golf, cars, religious work, housekeeping, children, etc. You see, by giving priority to other person, possession, or religious activities before your spouse, it is an implied admission of infidelity in your marriage.
Nevertheless, frustrations and disappointments are part of life, but how they affect us is basically our choice. Disappointment can hamper us, destroy us, and even destroy our marriages. However, you can accept the disappointment momentarily, discover way out and learn from it. This is what make us a rational beings.
Therefore, been sensitive to the needs of each other, supporting your partner, and being there for him/her emotionally and physically are reciprocating roles that keep marriages afloat. We are human beings with different biological and psychological make up, expect what many termed ‘unexpected behaviors’ or reaction from your partner at all time. When it appears, take your time, reflect before you react.
– Abubakar Yunusa writes from Abuja.
