Marriage by default is solely for union and productivity. The originality of God’s purpose for bringing man and woman together as husband and wife is dominion, procreativity and teamwork. Together, spouses can achieve a lot. Together, the continuity of their lineage is assured, and together, the negative forces of life are often overcome. As a matter of fact, the term ‘teamwork’ best described marriage essences.
However, in today’s world, the bodily pleasure which God deliberately attached as bonding tenets and procreation interface had been negatively explored and, these days, a lot go into marriage in fulfilment of that bodily desire forgetting that it requires physical, mental, psychological, financial and spiritual preparations. Every accomplished journey has its attendant tasks, marriage is not excluded. Before getting married, one has to be emotionally matured, physically and financially responsible and accommodating. But reverse is now the case as many youths go into marriage without fulfilling the required rituals. They simply meet each other, get attracted, and boom! They are on the altar. WEDDING and MARRIAGE are two different terms entirely. The former is just a celebration that brings family and friends together in merriment. The latter depicts the veracity of your agreement. For this, youth marriages fail for a number of reasons, some of which are listed below:
1. Lack of Communication: marriage requires Excellent Communication. One of the basis showing that a man and woman are ready to be United is keeping their communication lines open. Once it is closed, there is isolation leading to dissatisfaction in both individuals. Absence of communication ceases affection and inadvertently, divorce.
2. Infidelity: Infidelity is a serious problem. It is the driving force behind several break ups recorded so far. It is caused by inadequate knowledge of one’s sexual appetites, capacity and capability. Lack of affection, love and attention kills sexual urge. Also, Improper hygiene, lack of responsibility and mutual respect leads to sexual depravity from the woman. So many women thinks marriage is the end. As soon as they become Mrs, they forget that miniskirts and every mini things that kept the man coming. 24/7 they are on wrapper. Some bath once in a day. Common sister, it is not possible to beat a child and tell that child not to cry. The fire that cooks need the gas to continue burning. Again, some men feels cheating is the reward they get for providing for their wife and kids. Well, it is not easy to be responsible but the resultant effect of been caught cheating by your wife often leads to anger, pain, betrayal and hurt that is sometimes difficult to forgive and forget. Finally, a lot of women cheat for three reasons—lack of love, not meeting their needs and inability to sexually satisfy them. The men also cheat when they no longer find their wives attractive. In general, infidelity occurs when couples fail to understand their sexual life or keep to the bane on which they both satisfy themselves. It is often combustible for a virgin tying the knot with a sex addict’. Except, he or she is a deliberate learner, been faithful isn’t in that marriage.
3. Lack of Love: Every relationship, including marriage needs love, forgiveness, communication, understanding, tolerance, happiness, believing in one another, compromise and oneness. Without love, marriage is merely a contract. Although, there is love in youth marriage of nowadays, but it is mostly love for WHAT and not for WHO. While some can be love for Eight figure bank account, others can be love for figure eight-body builds. In the end, be rest assured that they will look outside to fill the void left by what they crave for.
4. Lack of Mental Preparation: Whoever does not plan is planning to fail. Without mental, financial and spiritual preparation, marriage easily slip off tracks. A lot of unexpected things happen in marriage. Your mental preparedness will alert you ahead, and by so doing, nothing takes you unaware.
5. Lack of Courtship: Young people easily get married without taking the necessary time to study each other. They simply meet, become drawn to one another and assume they are in love. Courtship offers one the opportunity to study the other’s worldview. E.g, personality and lifestyle. Courtship offers better understanding of couple’s compatibility, vision, mission and fertility stakes.
6. Unforgiveness: This is yet another major course of divorce among youth marriage nowadays. For couples that genuinely love each other, no sin is too great to be pardoned. When one partner vows in the heart never to forgive the other for error made, offence or injustice committed, he or she ceases to be happy in that marriage. Unforgiveness leads to anger, bitterness, grief and sometimes wickedness. It explains why partners murder themselves mindlessly. Without forgiveness, no one can endure marriage.
7. Past History, Lies and Pretence: Against the backdrop of moving away from the past, a lot of couples cover their disastrous pasts which ordinarily, can affect the relationship/marriage if divulged, believing that the past is history. Others pretend to be what they are not, while in the case of men, some lies about their financial and academic status as if certificate and bank are the basics for getting down with her. Women, most especially those closer to menopausal age also pretend to high heavens. They act angelic, preach love, exhibit humanity and adapt your wellbeing. Wait until they are home, they will become incredibly disrespectful, Mrs. Space, and Aunty rights. If the devil wants to really grandstand, the man loses his job and the woman will become the bread winner. Then, the personality and style of that woman will show up. Past history, lies and pretence, if discovered can lead to distrust, hatred, regret and anger. It is the reason partners abandon themselves and behave as if they are never bounded by marriage. Moreover, the only moment that lies travel is when truth is hidden. Been avoided should not be mistaken for rejection. The best is always somewhere, just look inward.
Solutions
Courtship is a must for marriage sustainability. It helps intending couples build a culture of communication, knowledge and understanding. Communication lines must be opened as well, so that, individual feelings are conveyed, dos and don’ts are noted, and room for changes are provided.
Compatibility: How well do you believe in each other’s dream and ambition? The greatest disappointment is living without fulfilling your purpose. So, discuss where you are and where you want to be, align visions and fetch out what is achievable at a time. Two reckless spenders barely make a better home, one must amass. As a man, the best gift you can have is a financially prudent woman. And as a woman, the best gift you can get is an open minded man.
Discuss Sex: Practice it, manage it and have it satisfactorily. As a man, you should be able to discuss your sexual appetite with your partner. Which style do you enjoy the most? What time do you enjoy it? If she accept it, manager her with it for maximum results. There are no boundaries to sex for a legally married couple, but certainly not for lustfully bonded people. Men are naturally vulnerable when it comes to sex. They act childish once they need it and become easy to control once they get it. Same way, men must understand that, although stress can reduce strength, the bird must come to roost. Give her orgasm twice in every three rounds. The man who sexually satisfies a woman cannot be compared to the man who gives her money. She will always be attracted to the former and may even give him the money you give her.
Respect: Though it is reciprocal, don’t marry a man you cannot respect. A respectful wife is a source of courage, strength and energy to the man. He goes out, he faces a lot and endures them hoping that home will be better. He tends to lose it when he sees otherwise. Take it or leave it, that Pharaoh was once an Isaac, and that Jezebel was once a Naomi, wrong partners changed them.
Faithfulness: Nothing sponsors poverty like infidelity. God was not drunk when He said, he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtain favour from the Lord. Every marriage comes with it’s own blessings. So, don’t take altar vow with a man you can’t be faithful to. You are destroying his life by cheating on him. And, don’t engage a woman you cannot be faithful to. You are endangering her life and breaking your home. If she doesn’t look sexy, speak to her about it. If it is mini skirt that attracts, buy them and bring home. Dear madam, men are move by what they see. Once in a while, seduce him. The moment you notice his arrival, open your legs, sit down facing the entrance and make sure his eyes grasp the size of that thing in the pant. Tell him DEAR you are welcome. How was your day? Sit let me get you water. Listen to me dear women, every act of romance and kindness you exhibit towards your man is often noted. He might be anything but deep down, there is the other side of you that can’t be missed. When men are underrated at home and valued outside, they easily forget home. If he speaks about an act, avoid it if even it hurts. Men will always be men. No woman takes charge by challenging his decision but by submission. And no woman submits to a dictator but a corrector and affectionist.
Responsibility: Dear men, it is your duty to provide. A woman is expected to bring two things to the table; emotional stability and management. If she decide to support, appreciate her but never look at what she has, instead, invest in her and push in the right direction. Let her do it out of her own volition. No matter how hard things are for you, Show her that you are willing to provide. There are some bills a woman must not pay. Not because it is sacrilegious, but it is because there is need to keep your integrity and self esteem. No matter what happens in marriage, never starve her of food, and the woman should not starve the man of sex. If you don’t have, make her understand, and if he cannot go to Jerusalem tonight, be humble about it. Sex is another way of settling disputes between husband and wife.
Lastly, your relationship with God first. Are both of you born again? A man or woman who does not love God cannot love spouse. Seek God at all time. In difficulty, pray for direction. In good time, appreciate him. Never expect a perfect spouse but with constant communication and deliberate learning, you both can work towards perfection. If she does not understand that style in bed, and she is willing to learn, teach her. If Orgasm is far from you, discuss it. Unless she is a garrulous spender, ensure she knows your savings and have access to it. She will nurture and bring forth your lineage, so she is your next of kin. God who created man made him incomplete. Why then do you expect a perfect spouse? It is good to be optimistic, but high expectations kill marriage. Be selfless believing that the only thing that exist between you both is love.
Kindly cross every T and dot every I.
– John Paul writes from Abuja.
