It’s Not a Mere ‘I Do’

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I was having a discussion with my elder sister,a make-up artist and wedding gowns vendor and a fashionista when a young beautiful girl came in and interrupted us. She came in with happiness and great enthusiasm, and asked my sister how the makeup and wedding gown will look like

After their discussion, she left even happier.

From the little I could get from their conversation, she’s getting married soon.

So many of our young women and men no longer understand what marriage is all about. Many jump into marriage only to jump out barely few months into their married life, maybe because of one misunderstanding or the other.

Let’s bring social media as one of the consequences why young girls and boys venture into marriage.

Social media in this context has done more harm than good. Marriage has become a thing of competition,show off and fantasy in the social media. I would like to take for instance this Facebook group called the “Igbolist”. At the beginning of every year, January to be precise, you see young women upload their pre-wedding and post wedding pictures taken with a very nice camera and the bride wearing a very nice makeup and attire. Many wanted theirs to be uploaded also and this has led many into unprepared marriages.

Many of our girls who should think of how to establish themselves are being carried away with what they see on Facebook and other social media, forgetting the adage that says “All that glitter is not gold “.

Peer pressure has become another reason and reaction why many young girls and boys jump into marriage. Some women and men get intimidated and jealous while they follow women and men are married and living in their own house (husband’s house) while still with their parents as a single people. They feel that they are not as beautiful, handsome, rich or serious as their friends about being married just like them (friends) and jump into marriage. This has really caused early and wrong decision in getting married.

Most times, we should ask ourselves questions like which do you prepare for, wedding or marriage?

Having been spiced up by the fantasies they see in social media, women tend to prepare more for wedding instead of marriages.

Though, I was busy with my phone, I heard all the conversations the young woman and my sister were having, how she would like to look on that day, how gorgeous she would want her bridal trains to appear and also how the chief bridesmaid will look like. They also discussed on the best type of wedding gown to be worn and also the nature of the makeup. I thought and said to myself if only our women can pay more attention to their marriages than just weddings then the number of broken homes will be at the minimal level.

Marriage, unlike wedding, is a lifetime journey until death sets in. Wedding on the other hand is just a day event or at worst case scenario, a three days event. Prepare more and well for your marriage than just weddings.

In marriage there will be quarrels, misunderstanding and difficulties at any level but at wedding everyone eat, drink and make merry.

In marriage, there will be procreation, your children in one way or the other may cause you to get angry and mad at them, your spouse may become annoying at some point and your spouse will not look as beautiful or handsome as when you married him or her.

I know of a young woman and man who were preparing for their “wedding” went to the extent of getting a ring worth One hundred and fifty thousand (#150,000) but today, they are not living together as husband and wife. The marriage ring is not an accessory or a thing to be used as a fashion. The ring is a symbol signifying “bond or commitment ” which entails that for the rest of your life you will live serving and helping each other till death does away with you both. Are you ready for this marriage bond (Ring)? In so many cases, I have been at masses and service where people say this phrase as an anthem and a mere I do forgetting this phrase is paradoxical.

The attention this days is just at the reception and not at the vow they are taking as would be husband and wives. Many say this phrase in common ways without for a second meditating and reflecting on what they say, forgetting the popular axiom that also says that “there is power in the tongue”. These thoughts of mine are geared towards making you understand what it is to live together as husband and wife.

There are salient questions you need ask yourself as you get into married life – Am I ready? How do I prepare for my marriage or do I just prepare for wedding? Am I ready to go into the commitment of marriage? The vows I will take before the alter, will I mean what I say?

Stop preparing for a wedding, rather prepare for a marriage. Channel your prayers and energy to prepare for a good marriage rather than show off during the wedding day and forgetting that there are many things that come after the wedding. Therefore let us think and make a good decision on what we want to venture our entire life and career into,is it a marriage or just a wedding. The decision and the Ball is totally in your court.

Choose wisely and carefully.

– Basil Peace Chidera

Mass communication student, 300 level, Prince Abubakar Audu University, Anyigba.

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