Titi woke up some days to her 12th birthday, she saw some blood stains in her underwear, she was confused and didn’t know what to do. She was scared that her parents would scold her or even punish her for playing rough and getting herself injured. Although she was so sure that she never engaged in any sort of dangerous or rough play such as tree climbing, jumping across the fence in recent times. While trying to sort out the puzzle in her head, she tried to clean herself up but the blood flow wouldn’t stop. She had to scream for help and her mum rushed in.
Puberty is when a child’s body begins to develop and change as they become an adult through lots of changes that happen slowly over time. Puberty comes with physical, biological, emotional, behavioural, and psychological changes. It is a healthy and normal part of growing up for every human being transiting from adolescence to adulthood. Sadly, this important phase of life is rarely talked about as it is often seen as a sort of taboo in some cultures.
Physical and Biological Changes for Girls
The following are some of the prominent changes that come with puberty for a girl child:
- Breast may begin to bud out and become more sensitive.
- Hair growth in and around the armpits and genitals:
- Feminine body figure begins to develop: Hips will get wider and her waist may get smaller.
- Vaginal discharge & secretions.
- Menstruation.
- Acne and pimples break out.
- More sweating around the armpit and likely development of body odour unless proper personal hygiene is observed.
- Rapid increase in height and weight (Growing taller and may add more weight).
- Growth of labia and clitoris.
Emotional/Psychological Changes
Puberty also come with emotional and psychological changes in girls. These include:
- Frequent mood swings e.g happy now and sad the next moment.
- A desire to please others. The girl becomes more interested in pleasing friends or other people borne out of the desire to attract attention.
- Wanting others to understand her feelings (you may begin to hear words like “Mummy you don’t understand”)
- A desire to “fit in”, to be seen as being in tune with the latest fashion, appearance or even life style.
- A desire of wanting not to feel different from friends and this is where peer pressure sets in.
- Sensitivity to comments, remarks and shyness.
- Attraction to others especially to the opposite sex and a rise in sexual desire.
- Desire for more independence and privacy.
Reasons Why Some Parents Shy Away From Discussing Puberty With Girls
Findings confirmed different reasons why most parents hardly discuss the issue of puberty with their girl child. The major reasons are listed below:
a. Taboos, myths, cultural and religious views on puberty and menstruation.
b. Shame and the culture of silence because of the belief that there are issues that ‘responsible people’ should not heard discussing about.
Why You Should Talk to Your Girls About Puberty
Times have changed especially with the advancement of technology and the current information age. There is a need to break from certain age long norms. Thus, you have a duty to discuss the issue of puberty with your girl child. Here are some of the reasons:
a. Puberty is normal and a natural process that occurs in girls.
b. Nature abhors vacuum: If you don’t discuss it someone else will and you may never know what your daughter will be told. Your refusal to tell them will not stop your girl from learning from somewhere or someone and sadly you may never know what they will learn. Remember, this is the age of internet and social media.
c. Discussing it creates a kind of bond between you and your daughter and builds their confidence to discuss any other issues that may be bothering them.
d. It removes the veil that sees such conversations as a taboo, abnormal or wrong.
e. It helps prepare your girl child ahead of changes that come with puberty. This would help her to be aware of what to expect thereby prevent panic, fear or wrong decisions. After all, parents and those who have gone ahead are meant to guide those coming behind on the right path.
f. It is an opportunity to share family values on matters like premarital sex, abortions.
g. It also provide an opportunity to talk about myths and misconceptions on matters of puberty, menstruation, sex, abortion, contraceptives, sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), HIV/AIDs and more.
h. The parent is ordinarily in the best position to guide his/her child having gone ahead and experienced some of the changes. Your knowledge and experience can help your daughter understand and manage puberty and other life phases.
What is the Appropriate Age to Engage My Daughter on the Topic of Puberty?
Puberty for girls starts between ages 8-12, so the earlier the conversation the better. Recommended age should be between ages 6-7 years.
How Do I Start This Conversation With My Daughter?
As a parent, make use of teachable moments such as bath time, while watching an advert on sanitary pads on Television or listening to a radio programme, after a visit to a loved one who just had a baby etc. Such periods can provide best teachable moments for discussion on puberty. Teachable moment is all about utilizing every day opportunity to engage in age appropriate conversations on puberty, sex education and more. You can buy relevant books and materials for them, read discuss with them.
You can share your personal story about puberty and how you felt, what you did when these changes started. Personal experiences and story telling is a powerful tool in bonding. Make the conversation fun, participatory, lively and interesting. Please note that this is not a one off conversation but a continuous one.
– Elizabeth E. Achimugu (Mrs), is an Abuja based lawyer, child rights advocate, founder/Coordinator of an NGO; Protect the Child Foundation. Protect The Child Foundation is aimed at protecting and defending the innocence of children especially from child sexual abuse and all forms of molestations. She can be reached via her email: achimuguelizabeth@gmail.com
