It only requires one who is bereft of knowledge and reality to argue that our society is not patriarchal. Patriarchy has maintained hegemony in all facet of our lives; religion, social norms, economic, political, to mention but few. The domination of men in most activities reflect even in matrimonial roles where the husband is perceived and generally acknowledged to be the provider and sustainer of the house, while the wife engage in elementary and menial roles.
However, the perceptions of the role of women and men in the family is gradually transforming and/or absolutely changed over the past few decades. Men are no longer perceived as the economic providers in the family. The role of men in the family has undergone many “diverse demographic, socio-economic and cultural transformations” impacting the formation, stability and overall well-being of families.
Traditionally, men are the representative of their father, and also maintain the status of a father to their younger and elder sister’s whenever it is ripe to give them out in marriage or matrimonial engagement. It is crystal clear that the position of men in the family can never been overtaken by their female counterpart, nor compromise for any reason.
There’s this general unhealthy believe that, women house is their husbands home. According to some conservatives, women only belongs to their husband’s, once a lady is ultimately married, she cease from playing vital roles in her father’s house unlike men.
However, many people have argued and described women to be hyper empathetic, sympathetic and affectionate to their parents and siblings than men. Hence, they often and easily identify themselves with the family at the time of distress than their male counterparts. How true is the argument still remain a question of one dedicated research and comparative assessment of the two gender in your family structure. But, for me, it is complex to disagree with the above assertion.
If we are condition to be true to ourselves and maintain absolute abstinence from misleading the ‘self’ and men in totality, women have performed and maintained strategic positions that deserves unbiased accolades, as well recognition not just among the family but across wide spectrum in the society. We have seen plethora of instances where ladies got married, yet shoulder the responsibility of her fathers’ home.
I know of a girl whom her house is not far from my ancestry house, when thunder wrecked havoc on her mother’s house last month, she independently gave her father’s compound beautiful look. Funnily enough, she happens to be the last born of the family. She has four boys ahead of her, and they are doing well in their respective place of work. What did they do to ameliorate the situation? Absolutely nothing.
Another concocted cultural lies that threatened men commitment to their immediate family is, “once you get married as a man, what you do is to respect your in-law and your wife. You have to be up to the task all the time to avoid attracting bad image from your in-law house”. Sadly, you are not disallowed to attract such image from your own immediate family. It is so annoying that such person is still proclaimed the head of the family tomorrow.
I think the time has come to publicly state that what we admitted as grundnorm of the society that has badly segregated us, has obviously done more harm than good to us. Believe in me, this position is not to undermine religious dictates and cultural values, but to pinpoint the imperative of women in our society and to some extent place premium on girls child, against the hitherto unhealthy preferences of male child. A lot of priority has been shifted to men, and they are not respecting this esteem position given to them by Almighty.
Overtime, women that has assumed political positions, and also head governmental agencies has laid their indelible imprints across sectors in the country. For instance, Kogi state government under Alhaji Yahaya Adoza Bello, has appointed Professor Tenuche as the new Vice Chancellor of Kogi State University, Anyigba. He relieved Professor AbdulQadir and brought the woman. Since her assumption of office, she has revolutionized the institution beyond the earlier known grades. Accolades has been on the rise for her distinguished administrative cum managerial skills. We should not be perplexed if she eventually badge an award of excellence.
Similarly, there are two powerful women that are holding powerful positions in Nigeria today, Minister of Humanitarian and Disaster, Hajia Sadiya Faruk and the Minister of Finance, Budget and Planning, Hajiya Zainab Shamsuna. These people cannot leave their father’s house untouched without doing the necessary things. Beside, hardly will they be recognized with their husband family at first, without recognition of their ancestral home. Then, why the marginalization of women?
At this juncture, it is apparent that most men invest more in their wives and in-laws, while women would bring back whatever they had gained to their father’s house. This position is not to spike argument in your mind, but, for you to genuinely reflect and review your plan or treatment of your children that had been on predetermined gender roles or biases. Our children male or female need not equality, as it has been culturally and religiously structured, but what should not be denied of the women is equity.
In sum, women are entitled to queen seat in their respective family, as men always portray the seat of king with entitlement. To sustain patriarchy or the claim of a man in the house, you need to be proactive in your roles. The respect of a man is not earned by mouth making, rather a deliberate embraces of the total responsibilities of men within and outside the house. You can’t be a man when distress calls from mummy and daddy always swim through creeks to locate your sisters.
Our ladies are indeed blessings from the Almighty. Hence, treat them well.
– Asiya Iganya Muhammed writes from Ankpa, Kogi State.
