The modern home, once a fortress of inherited values, now finds itself torn between two epochs—one echoing the cadence of obedience, the other roaring with the rhythm of self-expression. Boomer parents, molded by hardship, communal discipline, and religious orthodoxy, often perceive leadership through the lens of command and control. Meanwhile, their Gen Z children, raised in a world of instant connectivity, emotional validation, and cultural liberalism, view leadership as influence, not authority. This cross-generational dissonance has turned many homes into ideological battlegrounds where hearts are bruised, not bridged.
Leadership in parenting today resembles two different instruments trying to harmonize without tuning. Where Boomers shout “Because I said so,” Gen Z calmly retorts, “Help me understand why.” The West African proverb— “The chameleon looks in the direction it walks.”
—finds painful relevance in these homes. Boomer parents struggle to adjust their tempo, fearing that adapting their tone will erode their authority. Yet the words of Jesus in Matthew 23:11 ring eternal: “The greatest among you shall be your servant.” Leadership, even in the home, is now earned through empathy, not enforced by fear.
In Nigeria, where the patriarchal structure of families is almost sacred, the cultural metaphor of “the father is the roof of the house” is being tested by the winds of a new generation that wants skylights, not ceilings. Youths now ask questions that were once taboo: Why can’t I talk about my feelings? Why must spirituality replace emotional presence? Yet, Scripture offers perspective—Ephesians 6:4 advises, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” Leadership that lacks nurture morphs into tyranny in the eyes of a generation that measures love by listening.
This clash is not without casualties. Many homes are filled with silence, not because peace reigns, but because bridges have collapsed. Fathers retreat behind televisions, mothers behind anxieties, while sons and daughters seek belonging online. The late Prophet T.B. Joshua once lamented, “If you want to be a leader, first learn to be a ladder.” Sadly, many parents have forgotten how to be ladders—stooping low to raise their children high. Leadership in the home now demands both spine and soul: the courage to lead and the humility to listen.
Gen Z is not rebellious; they are responsive—to love, to logic, to presence. The problem is not their independence, but the rigidity of a leadership model that has not evolved. In the age of digital democracy, where influence trumps instruction, leadership must be relational before it becomes directional. The Holy Bible reminds us in Proverbs 20:5, “The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out.” Parenting today must draw from the well of insight, not the arsenal of authority.
To lead in this era, homes must become ecosystems of shared learning. The father may still be the compass, but the children now hold the GPS. Wisdom is no longer passed down by age alone but accessed through authenticity. The Igala saying, “Even the moon takes its light from the sun but shines differently,” reminds us that while children reflect the values of their parents, they shine with their own individuality. Home leadership must therefore be less about cloning and more about cultivating.
Until leadership at home becomes a dialogue instead of a monologue, a relationship rather than a regimen, the generational tension will persist. The true test of leadership is not in command but in communion. The family table must become a place where legacies are not imposed, but invited—where love is not presumed, but proven. In this age, leadership in the home must wear both old wisdom and new empathy like a seamless robe—stitched with prayer, softened with understanding, and tailored for time.
– Inah Boniface Ocholi writes from Ayah – Igalamela/Odolu LGA, Kogi state.
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