Democracy and Electoral Mayhem

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In native Yoruba parlance, the term kokobiowu refers to something as hard and strong as a mass or clump of pure steel. This is where the name Kobiowu derives from. As the gubernatorial victory romp in Kogi reverberates with the imitative echoes of staccato firing, snooper remembers much happier times in the confluence state when the electoral duel was resolved by mere scissors and nails.

Now, in a video that went viral about a fortnight ago, fetching damsels of Kogi State celebrate the Yahaya Bello victory by openly hinting at the fate that might have overtaken those who opposed the governor at the polls. Tatatatatata, dem go hear am, they chanted. Kokobiowu, the ultimate hard man and hit man, has finally arrived in Kogi state.

When he eventually dislodged Governor Abubakar Audu from the Lokoja gubernatorial mansion, it was given out that Idris enjoyed prosperity in another profession, which is carpentry. Snooper can reveal that all the Iroko trees around the mansion fled at the approach of the master-sawyer. The spirits inhabiting them claimed they could not bear ending up as part of a piece of furniture.

The much beloved and sadly departed Onukaba once wrote a piece titled, How the carpenter nailed the tailor. It was then revealed that the ousted Igala prince was a busy tailor in an earlier professional incarnation. Not since Godwin Daboh revealed that Wada Nas was a tailor has snooper been more amused. We had often wondered at the source of Audu’s majestic Agbada and grand embroideries. But before long, the late prince scissored his way back into contention.

Apart from the oldest profession in the world to which they all mandatorily belong, snooper can reveal the weird profession of some our lawmakers. We hear that a serving senator was a mai-suya in Kano, another was a shoe maker in Aba and yet a third one was a bricklayer in Agbadagbudu.

Snooper is proud of his own lawmaker who at least was a respectable local hunter plying his trade between Area 4 and Oke Alagutan in the virgin forest abandoned by the Owu people when they were sacked by the allied forces. So, if you see somebody with a rusting Dane gun prowling around the bush in Asokoro, don’t run, it may be your friendly law maker answering the call of duty. As for Yahaya Bello and his party hacks, those who procure nightfall before sunset will surely reap the rewards of premature darkness.

An older version was published in 2007.

Credits: Tatalo Alamu | The Nation

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