One of life’s most sobering mysteries is how a love that once felt eternal can suddenly evaporate.
Two people who once finished each other’s sentences, who built dreams together, now sit as strangers. We ask, where did the love go? But love rarely disappears suddenly; it erodes through unspoken hurts, unattended wounds, and the slow accumulation of neglect.
In such fragile moments, outsiders must be cautious with their counsel.
When a marriage is shaking, words become weapons. A friend’s careless “Leave him,” a relative’s inciting “She doesn’t deserve you,” a neighbor’s judgmental “I knew it wouldn’t last”, these words can become the final nail. What many fail to understand is that many couples reconcile. After the storm, after the tears, they find their way back to each other. And those outsiders who poured fuel on the fire are left ashamed. Tread carefully…..
Hence, a timeless principle: ‘If you cannot repair a marriage, do not destroy it.’
If you cannot be the bridge, do not be the wall. If you cannot offer wisdom that heals, offer silence that preserves dignity.
And What About The Woman Who Chooses To Stay, Even Unto Death?…..many of them abound our society.
In our society, we know her. She is the woman who would rather endure a painful marriage than bear the stigma of being called a divorcee. She stays not because she is weak, but because our culture has taught her that a woman’s worth is tied to her marital endurance. She fears societal judgment, family shame, economic insecurity, and the label of a “failed woman” more than she fears her own unhappiness.. Even if the guy de use 2 by 2 pummel her.
How do we help such a lady?
We do not help her by shaming her for staying, nor by forcing her to leave. We help her by:
1. Validating Without Judging: Listen to her without the immediate verdict of “Quit.” Let her know her pain is real, and her choice, however difficult, deserves respect.
2. Restoring Her Identity: Remind her that she is more than a wife. She is a person, with dreams, talents, and a life that exists beyond her matrimonial home. Help her rediscover her skills, her business, her faith, her self-worth.
3. Creating Safe Options, Not Ultimatums: Empowerment is giving her options. Financial literacy, a support system, professional counseling, and knowledge of her rights. When a woman knows she _can_ stand alone, her decision to stay or leave becomes a choice, not a prison.
4. Protecting Life Above Pride: There is a line between enduring hardship and enduring harm. We must teach our society to distinguish between a difficult marriage and a dangerous one. Endurance should never mean endangering one’s life. Where there is violence, safety must come first.
In the end, marriage is not for outsiders to break. Our duty is not to dictate, but to counsel with compassion, to support with wisdom, and to ensure that whether a woman stays or leaves, she lives ~ fully, sāfely, and with dignity. Seri irenu awu 🤐🥰
– Abu Zidan
