In certain parts of Nigeria, a chilling thought has taken root among some single women—“Let my mother-in-law die before I marry.” While this might sound extreme to some, it reflects a very real fear of the challenges they believe they’ll face in their marriages. This prayer isn’t born from malice but from a deep-seated fear of a future where the influence of a domineering mother-in-law overshadows the new marriage. It’s a troubling reflection of how deep-rooted cultural expectations and family dynamics can shape the way some women view their roles as wives.
During a recent trip to Abuja, I struck up a conversation with a young lady. She casually mentioned, “I prayed that the mother of any man I marry should die before we marry.” Before I could respond, an elderly man nearby replied, “May you give birth to sons, and when they grow up, may their fiancées pray the same prayer over you.”
That moment made me think deeply. How can young women, who one day will become mothers themselves, entertain such thoughts and prayers? The Holy Bible warns us against harboring hatred or ill will. Matthew 5:44 urges, “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” This message is a reminder that, even when faced with fear or anger, love and forgiveness should guide our hearts.
In Nigeria, the mother-in-law often holds significant power in a marriage. This power isn’t just symbolic; it can dictate the happiness or struggles of a young wife. In traditional Nigerian communities, the mother-in-law can play a major role in how a young woman is treated within the family, from household duties to the upbringing of children. For some women, this dynamic is more than a mere challenge; it becomes a source of deep anxiety. Many stories circulate about mothers-in-law who control every aspect of a daughter-in-law’s life, and these stories fuel a growing fear among single women.
However, not all mothers-in-law are difficult. There are many who are loving, supportive, and kind, eager to see their sons’ marriages thrive. Unfortunately, in some cases, these relationships turn sour. Some daughters-in-law disrespect their mothers-in-law, insulting and even trying to distance their husbands from their mothers—the very women who gave birth to the men they married. This ongoing tension feeds into the negative perceptions surrounding mother-in-law relationships.
But, if we are to be honest, some of the blame lies with how certain young women are raised. There are instances where mothers fail to properly train their daughters in key areas like hygiene, domestic responsibilities, and how to behave within the family structure. Some young women grow up without knowing the basics of caring for their homes or managing their relationships. In some cases, it’s the husband who is left to handle chores like cooking, washing clothes, including undergarments. Meanwhile, the wife spends her time chatting away, neglecting her duties. Do you expect some mother- in-laws to condone or keep quite seeing some of these attitudes in their sons homes?
The absence of proper training and guidance leads to larger problems within society. The men who marry women unable to cook or manage a household often encourage negative behaviors. Worse still, the culture of laziness spreads, as these women promote and even encourage their husbands to engage in dishonest or corrupt activities. One tragic example is of a man who was killed by unknown attackers after his wife pushed him to steal money from his office. When he confessed, he named his wife as the one who had encouraged him. Today, her daughters live troubled lives, full of bitterness and rebellion.
It’s even worse when some young women cannot prepare simple meals, yet they boast about their ability to buy food from street vendors. It’s not unusual to find women who excel at ordering house help around but show no concern for the cleanliness or orderliness of their homes. This irresponsibility not only affects their relationship with their mothers-in-law but also harms the family unit and society as a whole.
Praying for a mother-in-law’s death is dangerous—it’s an unhealthy mindset that can have a long-lasting negative effect on a person’s life. Although God does not answer evil prayers, such thoughts and desires can only lead to harm. Tragically, some young women resort to diabolical means to try and remove their future mothers-in-law from their lives. But could peace ever truly come to the wicked, when vengeance belongs to the Lord? As Romans 12:19 reminds us, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.
Our mothers must take action now! This is an urgent call for change. It’s time for parents, especially mothers, to focus on training their daughters properly, teaching them to live in the fear of the Lord. Proverbs 31:10-31 paints the picture of a virtuous woman—one who is strong, wise, and capable. It’s this kind of training that can equip young women to become responsible wives and mothers who contribute positively to society.
In real life, I’ve encountered mothers who, in cities like Abuja, tell their daughters never to bring a husband home but to lure them in and take their money. Is this the kind of society Nigerian women were once known for? The truth is, the divorce rate in Nigeria is rising, and in 2025, it’s predicted to reach disturbing new heights. If we truly want to see progress in our society, we must break free from these toxic practices that damage marriages and families.
The future of Nigerian families depends on how we choose to address these deep-rooted issues. If we want to break the cycle of broken marriages and unhealthy family dynamics, we must act now. Our society can only progress if we come together to promote love, understanding, and respect in every home.
– Inah Boniface Ocholi writes from Ayah – Igalamela/Odolu LGA, Kogi state.
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