Relationships are not destroyed overnight; they bleed slowly through the cracks of careless words. In today’s world, what begins as a misunderstanding often escalates into a battle of tongues, leaving scars that hearts cannot easily heal. Conflict itself is not the enemy, but the way it is managed determines whether love grows stronger or collapses under the weight of bitter words.
The celebrated revivalist Juanita Bynum once warned, “Words carry spirit. They can either heal or they can wound. If you don’t bridle your tongue, you will crucify the very person you claim to love.” Her words echo across homes today, where conflict resolution is too often carnal, driven by pride, ego, and uncontrolled emotion. Lovers who once whispered affection now exchange daggers of speech, appealing to emotions rather than conscience.
Indeed, the memory of a quarrel often outlives the quarrel itself. A single phrase uttered in the heat of anger can remain engraved in the heart for years. As the Bible cautions, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue” (Proverbs 18:21). When we speak in anger, we are not just addressing a situation; we are building or breaking memories. A careless tongue can turn a temporary disagreement into a permanent wound.
The Nigerian cleric Prophet T.B. Joshua once said, “When you miss the mind of God in conflict, you will turn the moment of correction into a lifetime of bitterness.” That is exactly what many families and friendships are experiencing. Instead of silence until calmness returns, partners provoke each other’s weaknesses and exhume the corpses of past mistakes, weaponizing memory against one another. Such patterns are not conflict management but conflict multiplication.
In many cultures, elders teach that words are seeds—once sown, they germinate, either into fruits of reconciliation or thorns of resentment. The Igala proverb rightly says, “A tongue can kill a town faster than a soldier’s spear.” In other words, emotional outbursts without restraint create fires that even apologies cannot fully quench.
Experts in emotional intelligence, like Daniel Goleman, affirm this truth from a psychological lens: “When emotions overwhelm, reasoning shuts down.” This is why many therapists now advise couples to retreat when tempers rise. To leave the room is not cowardice; it is wisdom. It is to protect the heart from words it may never forget.
Yet the culture of our time glorifies confrontation. Social media, reality shows, and celebrity scandals celebrate sharp tongues and quick rebuttals as strength. But as Bishop David Oyedepo counsels, “The strength of a man is not in how loud he shouts in anger but in how quietly he walks in wisdom.”
What relationships desperately need is a return to conscience over emotion, to peace over pressure, and to restraint over rage. The truth is clear: carnally minded conflict management—fueled by ego, provocation, and verbal assault—does not end in peace; it ends in wounds. And wounds left untreated eventually turn into walls, separating hearts that once beat as one.
The warning is urgent. Every conflict must be addressed, but it must be addressed wisely. Let us learn to pause, to breathe, to pray, and to allow peace to govern our words. For when words become wounds, love loses its voice.
– Inah Boniface Ocholi writes from Ayah – Igalamela/Odolu LGA, Kogi state.
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