In a time when digital facades mask emotional vacuity and the line between affection and performance has all but disappeared, the very idea of true love teeters on extinction. What was once a divine connection of hearts now slouches into a grotesque caricature for clicks and content. As dating apps descend into cesspools of scams and surface-level swipes, the sacred search for a life partner has turned into a marketplace of manipulation.
The Book of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 tells us, “Love is patient, love is kind… It does not boast, it is not proud… It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” Yet in the jungle of today’s relationships, those who model such love are mocked for naivety. Women who cherish modesty and reserve are often degraded, used, and discarded by men who perform love like theater—only to retreat behind crude memes and private chats where they scorn their victims. “We live in an age where love is no longer something we do, it’s something we stream,” says Dr. Helen Fisher, senior research fellow at The Kinsey Institute. “Romantic attachment has become digitized and depersonalized.”
What was once the intimate terrain of the heart is now the public property of Instagram captions and TikTok trends. Men who dare to embrace genuine emotions or maintain bonds with their mothers are derided as “mommy’s boys”— a tragic misunderstanding of emotional maturity. In the words of Juanita Bynum, “Real men are not afraid to love deeply. They are afraid of pretending forever.” Yet in today’s terrain, pretense has won the crown. Authenticity is overshadowed by algorithms.
The platforms that once promised connection now foster deception. Dating shows, originally designed to spark true romance, have been hijacked by actors seeking influencer status. Youtube proposals are often staged. Instagram relationships are curated with filters. Dr. Debra Campbell, psychologist and author of Lovelands, laments: “We have become spectators in our own relationships, more focused on how they look than how they feel.”
Even more sinister is the rise of matchmaking as a business venture—a monetized distortion of human longing. Individuals with no training or emotional depth masquerade as love gurus, charging desperate singles hefty fees for scripted introductions. “They are selling hope, not help,” observes Esther Perel, renowned psychotherapist and author of Mating in Captivity. “And hope without honesty is manipulation.” The idea of soulmates has become a sales pitch. The idea of sacrifice—a cornerstone of Holy biblical love—is nearly forgotten. “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends,” says John 15:13. But in this generation, many won’t lay down even their phones.
As a society, we’ve grown cynical. The notion of love as sacred, as selfless, as enduring, has been replaced by emojis, seasonal “talking stages,” and “situationships” where no one is truly committed. For many, love is now something to outgrow—like fairy tales and childhood dreams. “Love, for most now, is like Nollywood or Disney: entertaining but unrealistic,” quips a Nigerian relationship therapist, Ngozi Uche-Agu. She adds, “The tragic part is not just that people stop believing—it’s that they stop trying.”
Even church communities are not spared from this decay. People who once sought God’s will in love now seek viral moments. Real intimacy is fast losing its place to performance. As Matthew 6:1 warns, “Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them.” Substitute ‘righteousness’ with ‘romance,’ and the warning fits perfectly. Many today no longer love because they care—but because they are watched.
Painfully, some of the few men who still believe in true love are labeled weak. They are mocked for sincerity and punished for emotional openness. But history celebrates such men—Martin Luther King Jr., C.S. Lewis, and even Jesus Christ, who wept at Lazarus’ tomb. “Real masculinity is not emotional absence but emotional responsibility,” says Bishop T.D. Jakes. Yet society chooses toxicity over tenderness, and performance over presence.
Romeo and Juliet may have been a tragedy, but at least it was real. Today, many relationships begin in lies, grow in lust, and die in apathy. We pretend, we post, and then we part. And those who don’t play the game are told to “grow up,” as though their longing for something deeper is childish.
But the truth is this: true love hasn’t died a natural death. It has been murdered—slowly, publicly, and profitably. What remains are digital corpses dressed in designer captions. What lingers are hollow proposals and temporary unions. Still, for the few who dare to love without spectators—for the hearts that refuse to be content creators—hope remains.
As Romans 12:9 exhorts, “Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good.” For those still clinging to goodness, sincerity, and sacrifice, there is still a flame in the ashes. Let the world laugh. Let the fake lovers perform. But let the remnant rise again—those who love with intention, conviction, and God.
Because in the end, when the filters fade, the followers unfollow, and the apps go silent, only true love will be left standing—scarred, yes—but still sacred.
– Inah Boniface Ocholi writes from Ayah – Igalamela/Odolu LGA, Kogi state.
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