In an age where kindness is celebrated as the highest virtue, a darker truth hides beneath the glittering surface of generosity. Some gifts are not given out of love but out of manipulation. Some hands stretch forward not to bless, but to bind. In the social, political, and even religious fabric of modern society, the rise of what psychologists now call “toxic generosity” is quietly enslaving hearts and consciences.
Toxic generous givers do not give because they care; they give because they crave control. Their benevolence is a leash, their charity a chain. They study your needs, meet them with grandeur, and then remind you of your dependence. In offices, they are the colleagues who “help” to silence others. In politics, they are the benefactors who buy loyalty with favours. In relationships, they are the lovers who “sacrifice” so they can later say, “You owe me.” The world claps for them, unaware that their kindness is coated with poison.
Sociologists have begun to warn that such generosity can distort power dynamics in communities. When help becomes a tool of dominance, gratitude becomes fear. A toxic giver thrives on your indebtedness. They do not give and forget — they give and count. As Pastor Chris Oyakhilome once said, “Not every open hand is a kind heart.” That is the hidden creed of manipulative generosity: to appear righteous while cultivating quiet submission.
In families, the toxic giver is often the one who never lets others breathe. A father who reminds his children of every meal he has paid for. A friend who sponsors you today but crushes your dignity tomorrow. A church member who gives to God’s house only to control decisions behind the pulpit. Their generosity is a mirror that reflects their ego, not their love. What looks like selflessness is often strategic self-worship.
From a Christian perspective, true giving flows from freedom — not from the need to be seen or obeyed. Jesus warned in Matthew 6:3, “Do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing.” Genuine giving liberates; toxic giving enslaves. It creates emotional bondage masked as gratitude. As Prophet T.B. Joshua once said, “When you give to be noticed, you have received your reward already.” That is the essence of modern toxic charity — giving for applause, not for purpose.
In the broader society, the effects are devastating. Nations crumble under the weight of manipulative benefactors who buy power through donations. Communities lose moral strength when help becomes a form of intimidation. Even in friendships, emotional debts pile up until freedom becomes guilt. The toxic giver thrives where boundaries are blurred and gratitude becomes currency.
To be careful of them is not to reject generosity but to discern it. Test the motive behind every open hand. A gift given in freedom brings peace; a gift given in pride breeds bondage. The line between love and control is often drawn with ribbons of charity. And until society learns to see the difference, many will continue to mistake manipulation for mercy.
True generosity uplifts without enslaving. It gives without remembering and receives without expecting. Anything less is a transaction dressed in kindness — a toxic gift wrapped in the language of love.
– Inah Boniface Ocholi writes from Ayah – Igalamela/Odolu LGA, Kogi state.
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