In Igalaland, a troubling shift is unfolding within the church. The pastor’s wife, once a pillar of humility, strength, and service, is increasingly becoming a source of discord and division. Where there was once quiet support, there is now open conflict. Where there was once wisdom, there is now pride. The whispers among congregants grow louder, elders shake their heads in dismay, and even pastors themselves bear silent wounds. The one person who should be a pastor’s closest ally—his wife—is, in many cases, his greatest battle.
The legacy of pastors’ wives in times past is one of honour. They stood beside their husbands, offering prayers, counsel, and unseen sacrifices that kept both home and ministry thriving. They were like the roots of a great tree—hidden but essential. But today, that picture is rapidly fading. A new breed of pastors’ wives has emerged, one that prioritizes power over partnership, control over cooperation, and pride over prayer.
Many pastors now lament that their wives no longer listen to them. Instead, they take counsel from social media influencers, motivational speakers, and frustrated voices on the internet—people who neither understand nor respect spiritual leadership. The Holy Spirit’s voice and their husbands’ wisdom no longer hold weight in their decisions. This shift has created deep cracks in pastoral marriages, and by extension, in the very foundation of the church.
The spirit of suspicion now thrives. Some pastors’ wives have become investigators, suspecting their husbands of adultery without evidence. If a female congregant seeks counseling, it is war. If a church member offers a gift, the pastor must prepare for an interrogation. In some cases, pastors’ wives physically confront female church members, seeing them not as spiritual daughters but as threats. This insecurity has fueled bitter divisions within churches, turning sanctuaries into battlegrounds.
More disturbing are cases where pastors’ wives have abandoned their homes entirely. One pastor’s wife in Igalaland is now reportedly living a life of prostitution in Lokoja. Another routinely beats her husband, both before and after church services, over household chores. Some wage relentless wars against their husbands’ family members, ensuring that peace is never found between the pastor and his relatives especially their mothers. Others sow discord between their husbands and their spiritual mentors, breaking relationships that took years to build. Few years ago, a Pastor’s wife told her husband to exit the church he was serving to go and start his own. That he was more anointed than his spiritual father. He started well, but the wife’s character drove all the members away and today, he is riding Okada. A pastor’s focus should be on ministry, yet many find themselves entangled in domestic and ministerial conflicts orchestrated by their wives.
One pastor shared his agony: every Sunday morning, his wife ensures he is emotionally drained before he gets to church. If his sermon extends beyond a certain time, she waves him down mid-service, signaling him to stop. If he refuses, he is met with hostility at home. Ironically, the same woman rushes to secure a front-row seat for Dr. Paul Enenche’s crusades or online services of other men of God, prepared to sit for hours.
For some pastors, the home has become a place of torment. One pastor no longer sleeps at home, choosing instead the hard floor of his church office to escape a cruel wife. Many vibrant ministries have collapsed under the weight of wrong marital choices. Where prayer and encouragement should be, these men of God find resistance and discouragement.
The issue extends into marital intimacy. Some pastors’ wives deny their husbands intimacy for months and years because their husband has no money to give them and some under the pretense of seeking God. That their husbands touching them will defile or deny them of God’s presense. Yet Scripture is clear: “Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you” (1 Corinthians 7:5). Denying a husband his marital rights invites temptation. One pastor, after years of rejection, fell into sin with prostitutes. He prayed, fasted, sought deliverance for his wife, but nothing changed. Eventually, he succumbed to weakness, and his once-thriving ministry crumbled.
The suffering of some pastors is beyond imagination. One pastor confided, “I can’t go home to that hell of a wife.” His spiritual life deteriorated and prefers to remain a club and sometimes church office. In his loneliness, he began inappropriate relationships with young women in his office. Eventually, he died in a tragic accident. Long before his physical death, his spiritual downfall had already begun.
Without peace of mind, how can a man of God fulfill his calling? A pastor needs a strong prayer life, yet how does he pray when his home is a war zone? How does he preach about love when his marriage is a battlefield? Many pastors are carrying silent burdens, crying in secret while standing strong in public.
The fear of marriage now grips young ministers. Hence, they have refused to marry while some are marrying wives from overseas even though we have too many young and beautiful ladies in Kogi state. Many wonder why. The truth is evident—too many rushed marriages have ended in regret. Too many men who thought they were marrying a god fearing or intercessors have found themselves bound to adversaries.
Not all pastors’ wives are problematic, and not all pastors are innocent. But the alarming rate of marital crises among pastors in Igalaland or Kogi state is undeniable. Where are the humble, supportive pastors’ wives that our spiritual grandfathers and fathers had? Has this generation lost the ability to produce women who stand beside their husbands in both strength and submission?
A glaring contrast emerges when we look beyond Igalaland. The legacy of great men of God continues through their wives. Archbishop Benson Idahosa’s wife, Margaret Idahosa, did not let his vision die. She took up the mantle and leads the ministry to this day. Pastor Evelyn Joshua, after the passing of Prophet T.B. Joshua, stepped into leadership and has held the ministry together.
But in Igalaland, when a great pastor dies, his wife does not continue the work and even she tries there is no impact. Instead, disputes over property arise, ministries collapse, and some even remarry men with no interest in ministry. Why is there no Margaret Idahosa or Evelyn Joshua among pastors’ wives in Igalaland? Why have we not seen a single woman rise to continue the work of her late husband? The answer is troubling.
The church must wake up. Pastors’ wives need training, mentorship, prayers and accountability, just like their husbands. The devil understands that to destroy a pastor’s ministry, he must first attack his marriage. That is why he plants pride, rebellion, and division in the hearts of pastors’ wives. St. Augustine once said, “It was pride that changed angels into devils; it is humility that makes men like angels.” If humility builds, then pride surely destroys.
It is time to intercede for our men of God. Many are under severe attack, and they need divine intervention. The church must also restore the teaching of godly womanhood. Marriage is not a competition but a partnership. A pastor’s wife is meant to be his greatest intercessor, not his greatest problem. “I will never allow any of my daughters to marry a pastor.” An ex-Pastors wife shared on social media with reasons boiling down to poverty and so on.
If this crisis is ignored, more churches will close, more pastors will fall, and more ministries will crumble. A pastor’s wife is not called to rule her husband; she is called to serve alongside him. Until we return to this truth, the church in Igalaland will continue to suffer the consequences of broken homes and broken ministries.
– Inah Boniface Ocholi, a Pastor, writes from Ayah – Igalamela/Odolu LGA, Kogi state.
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