The average Nigerian man grew up in a society that taught him power is proven through dominance, love is a sign of weakness, and a woman’s tears are either manipulation or nuisance. But time, truth, and global trends are exposing this ancient fraud. The real man is not the one who roars, but the one who listens. Not the one who commands, but the one who understands. In the theatre of love, gentleness is the loudest masculinity.
Today, a new movement is emerging—men who love intentionally. Men who kiss their wives in public, kneel to propose, rock their babies in the market square, apologize without ego, and submit themselves to growth. These men aren’t weak. They are wise. They aren’t lost. They’ve been found. They’ve realized that control is a poor substitute for companionship and that peace in the home is worth more than pride in the beer parlour.
Look around—divorces are rising like floodwaters in Lagos. Broken homes, battered women, emotionally starved children, and absent fathers. Nigeria is becoming a nation of wounded homes trying to heal in silence. But silence won’t save us. Only sincere self-reflection will.
It’s time Nigerian men unlearn and relearn. Let’s throw away the myth that a man must always be feared. Our fathers walked into marriage with sticks instead of soft words. They believed shouting was affection and silence was strength. They were victims too—victims of their own upbringing. But you, young man reading this, you have a chance to break the cycle.
True love does not seek control; it seeks connection. A man who loves his wife deeply, helps her heal, protects her mentally, and partners with her fully is not being controlled—he’s being complete. Submission, when mutual, is not slavery—it is sacred.
Let’s normalize a new kind of masculinity in Nigeria—one that prays with his wife, washes plates without shame, affirms his daughter, calls his mother-in-law with love, and sends love notes to his spouse on WhatsApp.
Pastor Chris Oyakhilome once said, “The man who understands love is the man who understands God, for God is love.” In a country with millions of Christians, it is surprising how many religious men still treat their wives like prisoners instead of partners. We can pray in tongues but cannot speak kindly to the woman who shares our bed? What hypocrisy!
Prophet TB Joshua taught, “Love looks around to see who is in need.” Look around, brothers. Your woman may be dying slowly in silence, wishing you’d just hold her hand and say, “I’m sorry.” Your child may be aching for your validation. Real men are not those who conquer cities, but those who win their homes.
Bishop David Oyedepo often says, “Any man who cannot care for his family is worse than an infidel.” This is not just Scripture—it is instruction. If you are too busy to love, too proud to listen, and too hardened to hug, then you are too broken to lead.
Nigerian men must choose love over control. The era of toxic masculinity must end. We must stop equating silence with strength, and abuse with authority. Power is not proven in how loud you shout, but how deeply you love.
Let our sons grow up seeing us hug their mothers. Let our daughters see that their fathers are present and proud. Let our wives know that marriage is not a life sentence, but a life blessing.
If we do this, perhaps the next generation of Nigerian men will not need therapy to unlearn our trauma.
Let love lead. Let humility reign. Let empathy replace ego.
That is the new Nigeria I pray for.
– Inah Boniface Ocholi writes from Ayah – Igalamela/Odolu LGA, Kogi state.
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