The sanctity of the Christian home, once considered a refuge of divine love and grace, is increasingly under siege. Behind the pulpit and within the pews, a tragic reality is unfolding—domestic violence within Christian households. This is not a distant narrative; it is a present and pervasive issue. The recent scandal involving a pastor and his wife, publicly disgracing themselves when the wife resorted to violence with a pestle, is a stark reflection of a growing crisis. Such grievous incidents, though shocking, are but the tip of an iceberg that has long been concealed beneath the surface of sanctified façades.
There is a disturbing inversion occurring in many Christian homes, where traditional roles are distorted, and divine order is disregarded. Men, once regarded as spiritual heads, now frequently abdicate their responsibility, while women, in the absence of their husband’s leadership, step into roles not meant for them. This reversal of roles breeds dysfunction, and in some cases, violence. What is even more heartbreaking is the endemic betrayal by Christian men, who, without reverence for God, engage in extramarital affairs, sowing seeds of distrust and disillusionment. These hidden transgressions often manifest violently, eroding the integrity of families and communities. This pattern is a stark reflection of spiritual negligence—a failure to embody Christ’s teaching on sacrificial love, integrity, and fidelity.
The Christian gospel teaches a love that is holy, sacrificial, and protective—a love that nurtures and heals. Yet, this doctrine has been weaponized and misinterpreted, especially in regard to the roles of husband and wife. Scriptures such as Ephesians 5:22, when misunderstood, have become instruments of subjugation, rather than mutual edification. When men use the notion of headship as a justification for tyranny, or when women endure abuse out of a misguided sense of submission, the true essence of marital love is perverted. The apostle Peter reminds us in 1 Peter 3:7 that husbands are to live with their wives “in an understanding way,” bestowing honour upon them as “co-heirs of the grace of life.” This deep truth has been obscured by cultural mis-applications, but it is time for the Church to reclaim it.
The recent incident where a female congregant physically assaulted a pastor only serves to underscore the broader issue: the authority of the Church and the sacred trust of its leaders are being eroded. The pulpits must no longer remain silent in the face of such violence. True shepherds of Christ must not only preach righteousness, but also live by it, modeling the way of peace and reconciliation. This is not merely a private issue within the walls of the home; it is a matter that touches the very core of our Christian witness. The Church cannot afford to protect abusers under the guise of pastoral confidentiality or maintain a veneer of holiness while neglecting the cries of the oppressed.
Too often, pastors preach prosperity, healing, and blessings, yet neglect the deep wounds festering in their congregants’ homes. They fail to address the spiritual sickness that is domestic violence, choosing instead to remain silent for fear of controversy. But the truth remains: A gospel that does not speak to the pain of the broken-hearted is not the gospel at all. The Church must confront this reality head-on, not in fear of scandal, but in obedience to God’s call for justice. True pastoral care is not merely about preaching, but about confronting the realities of sin with the full authority of Scripture. The failure to address domestic violence is a dereliction of duty—a disservice to the Body of Christ.
Marriage, in its truest form, is a reflection of Christ’s relationship with the Church—marked by love, submission, and mutual respect. Yet, many Christian marriages today are distorted into something unrecognizable—domination, manipulation, and violence masquerading as love. The Church must reclaim its prophetic voice and stand firmly against these distortions. Marriage was never meant to be a martyrdom of one’s dignity; it was meant to be a covenant of mutual submission, built on trust, honour, and sacrificial love. When violence rears its ugly head, it is the Church’s duty to speak out, to offer not only counsel but also the power of the Holy Spirit to heal and restore.
The time for silence is over. Domestic violence is not a private matter; it is a public shame that tarnishes the witness of the Church. The Body of Christ must rise to address this grave issue, not only with compassion but with action. Love does not condone abuse; it confronts it. Love does not silence the suffering, it amplifies it, seeking restoration and justice. As the Church, we must not ignore the bruises on the flesh or the wounds on the spirit. We must stand with those who suffer, providing not only solace but also a pathway to healing, reconciliation, and, ultimately, the restoration of peace in Christian homes.
– Inah Boniface Ocholi writes from Ayah – Igalamela/Odolu LGA, Kogi state.
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