They were supposed to be a sanctuary—fathers and mothers, protectors and providers. Yet, in many homes today, parents have become judges, jury, and executioners, turning family tables into courtrooms of condemnation. For countless youths, the deepest wounds are not from the world but from within their own walls. A single mistake—pregnancy out of wedlock, academic failure, addiction, or sexual confusion—can spark an avalanche of rejection, shame, and cruel silence. Instead of finding healing, these young hearts are pierced further by the very hands that once rocked their cradles.
It is a tragedy when those anointed to guide become the ones who cast stones. Bishop David Oyedepo once warned, “When love leaves a home, God leaves with it. No matter how religious a family looks, where mercy is missing, destruction is knocking.” Parenting without compassion is not discipline—it is damage wrapped in decency. During evangelism, i met couple of youths who confesses that their parents quote scriptures while driving them into depression. They are shamed for being human, for falling, for struggling, and the result is not repentance—but rebellion. Condemnation does not produce transformation; it produces trauma.
Bishop David Abioye, in a teaching to parents, said, “Correction is not rejection. Discipline is not disgrace. The moment your child cannot run to you when they fail, the devil has already taken your place.” Yet, we now see mothers who humiliate their daughters publicly, fathers who call their sons useless, and families that blacklist their own. These are not rare cases—they are multiplying silently in our churches and neighborhoods. The pressure to perform has replaced the privilege of parenting. Youths are asked to be perfect, yet never shown grace when they fall.
Redemption stories die in places where mercy is denied. A generation that should be mentored is now wandering because the lighthouse has gone dark. Bishop Thomas Aremu powerfully observed, “The home is not a prison. It is a revival ground. If your child falls, kneel with them, not against them.” Many parents pray for revival in church, while their homes remain cold and hostile. Children make mistakes, yes. But healing comes when those mistakes are met with redemptive truth, not destructive tantrums. Shame kills faster than sin. A condemning home breeds either religious pretenders or lost prodigals.
Scripture is clear: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4). Holiness is not in harshness. Righteousness is not in rejection. The story of the prodigal son in Luke 15 is not just about the boy who returned—but the father who waited. Where are the fathers who wait? Where are the mothers who embrace? If the church preaches mercy but the home practices shame, we are breeding a faith that sounds good in sermons but fails in living rooms.
Let this be a call to every parent: restore the altar of compassion. Do not let your child’s last memory of home be a slammed door or a shaming voice. Let them know that your arms are not only open when they succeed, but even more when they fall. For in doing so, you mirror the Father-heart of God, who corrects—but never condemns.
– Inah Boniface Ocholi writes from Ayah – Igalamela/Odolu LGA, Kogi state.
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